Random Thoughts...

Tonight Jack and I attended Wednesday night bible study at, what I think will soon officially be our new church, if they'll have us. That's another post... but we're excited! It's been a while since we've been in a bible study group or Sunday school group. We attended both this week and are very happy! So, tonight our bible study was all about forgiveness. Pastor Randy asked me if I felt the study went okay and if he made his point. The answer is yes.

But what he doesn't know was that something that he said got my thoughts going another way entirely. I sort of went off on my own for a bit... (sorry!)

We read the verses, Romans 14:8-10 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not murder," "You shall not steal," "You shall not bear false witness," "You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to a neighbor, therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

I believe after reading vs. 8 - Owe no one anything... Pastor Randy paused and asked "wouldn't it be nice to owe no one anything?" Here's where I went down my own path... Yes, that would be nice! In fact, that would be down right awesome. But it bothers me that I worry so much about paying my financial debts, but I don't worry about the one debt I owe, I could NEVER pay.
I must let you all know that I have the best loan officer in the world! I do! I can call him up at his home at 9PM from 2 hours away and say "I want to buy this jeep I'm looking at" and he'll tell me "write and check and come by the bank in the morning." WOW! True story!
I do worry about paying my loan payment to his bank... because I want to be able to borrow again someday, because he's been kind to us, because it's the right thing to do, etc... I worry about how I would look if I defaulted on my loan... But as kind as our banker has been to us... it's nothing compared to what Jesus did for us.

He paid a debt for me that was so great... I would never be able to pay it myself. And He doesn't ask for monthly installments in return. He did it out of LOVE for me. I'm asking myself why I don't worry more about how I look to Him. What Christ did for me when He died on the cross is worth everything to me... a little 'ole home loan can never compare. Why do I fret over how I look to my banker... and the world.... but I forget about the One who loved me so much He willingly took my shame and wrongdoing upon himself and died in my place.
There are times I'm guilty of thinking I'm better than someone else, because they've done worse things than me. I'll think to myself... 'Well I may have drank alcohol, but I've never even seen drugs... I'm glad I don't have that shame to carry around.' But Jesus, Who is perfect, took my ugly shame and sin upon Himself willingly. And right now He's sitting at the right hand of the Father interceeding on my behalf constantly... because I need it a lot.
But often I don't think about how what I do or what I say reflects on Him. It just irritates me that I worry more about what the world thinks of me than what Christ see's when He looks at me. After all He's done for me... He paid a debt He didn't owe, I owe a debt I can never pay.

I get that Salvation is a FREE GIFT. I can't earn it, I don't have to be 'good' to get it... but shouldn't I want to be? Shouldn't I be appreciative of that gift, not take it for granted?
Why? Why? Why? do I worry so much about financial freedom, but I don't accept the freedom I have in Christ?
I know... it's a process... I'm human... I'm working on it daily... pressing on toward the goal...
Unconditionally Surrendered... Joy