I can't wait to elaborate on this little picture. I really shouldn't be posting it at all, but I just can't wait! God has done some amazing things in the last few weeks. Actually some things I'll probably not be able to share on my public blog.
At World Changers I totally gave this adoption over to Him. I've been obsessing over it and trying to control it for over 2 years now. It's eaten away at me, my family and my marriage. As badly as I want to adopt, I didn't like the person the awful wait was turning me into. So I confessed my anxiousness, my limited trust in Him to fullfill His promise, my doubts, fears... it felt so great to let it go. It involved gut wrenching sobs, I imagine I looked utterly ridulous to those around me, but it felt so good to let that burden go and give it to Him. I can't tell you what it's like to love someone so much that you've never met. To know that I have a daughter out there waiting for me. I want so badly to hold her in my arms, rock her to sleep, introduce her to our family and friends... I miss her so much. I feel like I"m not complete without her. It just.... HURTS. Badly. And I was just so tired of it. So anyway, 2 days later, I got a call!
It's really all I can say right now, other than I'm told things WILL work out. Things are happening that just simply don't happen in adoption. I KNOW it's God! People are offering things that just aren't offered in adoption. I'm not asking for them! It's God. He has this under control, now that I've let him! ;-) When I gave up control and let God have it, that's when things started falling in place. I hope one day I can share the details, simply so others will know how awesome God is and that He's still in the miracle business. But like I said, things that are being done for us, usually aren't. We've been called a 'pioneer' family! Hopefully soon, I'll have that daughter home, rocking her, loving her and spoiling her rotten!
Eternally His.... -JMS
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